Unmasked

3'23/2022

Psalm 50:15 "And call upon me in the day of trouble, I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me."

Masks are coming off. I know this has been happening everywhere over the past few months, but today it happened where I work. As a person living with OCD, this particular phase of the pandemic has been difficult. I have been growing more accustomed to people being unmasked in public. I can now even visit with some friends that have been vaccinated or have already had Covid. Very slowly and incrementally, I have allowed myself to think about normal life again...well, as normal as my life can be. Today, when we were told of the policy change at work, I thought I would be ready. I wasn't.

When you have OCD, you tend to structure and strategize your world in a way that helps you maneuver stressful situations. Masking was a very tactile way to prevent infection, according to most authorities, anyway. It became like a shield of sorts. As long as I and others around me were masked, I had a certain level of comfort. When those strategies start to crumble or need to be modified on the fly, it causes something I call "hot brain". It is where my brain is so overwhelmed with anxiety and over-processing that it becomes very difficult to focus on anything else. It is thoroughly exhausting, and it shows all over me. I can truly become battle-weary in a very short amount of time. 

Ironically, I started my day by reminding a friend to "go vertical" and keep lifting the difficult things in her life up to our great Councilor and Comforter. Shortly thereafter, I needed to do that myself. Unfortunately, the hot brain had already begun. It is at these times, I have learned, that I need to extract myself from a stressful situation if I am able to. Often times, I must find a safe, quiet place to rest and regain my balance while all along being in prayer. I will admit, I have cried more than once today, but that is okay because Jesus hears my unutterable prayer even through my tears. It is at these times that I am truly unmasked. 

So, during this difficult time in our world, remember: He is always there, even when we struggle and cannot articulate a prayer. It is at these times that we can just call Jesus, and let our hearts do the rest.