In The Way

For my little brother.

I am so thankful for your love, support, and friendship.

Thank you for always making me laugh when I need it most.

I thank God for you every day.

You're the BEST!

11/14/20

Genesis 24:27 “I being in the way, the Lord led me…”

I am of the belief that if you are knowledgeable on the subject, sin is not done without knowing it is sin. It may not be done premeditatedly, although some sin certainly is, but there is always a sense of knowing. I may sin in a reactive way to a situation and not realize it right off, but if I am a child of God I will feel it quickly. If I am aligned with the Holy Spirit the fruit will be there. The more I surrender to Jesus and His will on my life, the less reactive I will become.

I had a terrible temper when I was younger, especially when it came to my little brother. All of his bugging and mischief was just a cry for attention from me, but I never saw it that way. (We have talked about this as adults, and my heart breaks knowing that I should have shown him so much more love than I did.) I very often reacted to him with nothing but frustration, and would let everyone within earshot know of my displeasure with him. (What can I say? I was quite a dramatic child.) One time I put my foot through the wall in our hallway. Another time I threw a rock in anger and it hit him in the face (I know, horrible). Did I mean to do damage or cause him injury? Absolutely not, and it makes me ill just thinking that I reacted to him in this way. I knew how I was treating him was wrong, but I felt justified because he was bugging or teasing me. There have been so many other times in my life where I have felt justified for not loving someone, usually because of a treatment I did not appreciate. I am so grateful, however, for forgiveness.

As an adult, most people who know me would never believe I had a problem with anger. This is, thankfully, an issue with my soul that God cleansed me of after I fully yielded my life to Him. It is not something I prayed to have happen, or even thought I needed at the time, it was a product of my sanctification. I was taught that my anger was a sin, and I spent many hours in a confessional because of it. Only when my faith became my own did I understand how damaging my anger was. True understanding, after all, comes from the Holy Spirit. Now my sin is very evident to me…glaring, actually. Even when I am reactive at all to any degree that is not loving, I feel that right away. If I am truly listening to God and focused on Him, I immediately seek forgiveness.

Chambers had two statements that resonated with me today. The first is, “In the spiritual domain the intuitive jar is the monition of the spirit of God.” I always feel the Holy Spirit’s rebuke whenever I enter into sin. Do I ignore that reprimand sometimes? I am not proud to admit I do, usually when self takes over, when I am in the way. After all, selfishness is the basis of all sin; when my desires come before God in my life.

The second Chambers statement is, “Beware of making a fetish of consistency to your convictions instead of being devoted to God.” I can also get in the way with my own piety, this line of thought and behavior is destined to fail because, again, it is me not focusing on God and giving Him the glory for all things. If I feign humility, mercy, and grace, but do not truly receive those things from my relationship with Jesus, I will be found a charlatan. It takes a lot of time in God’s word and in prayer to be mindful of what I am called to do and how I am called to live, and it is not about me getting in the way.

So, as I sit here many years removed from that time I drew my brother’s blood with a stone out of sinful anger, I think of how sad that still makes. I know he forgave me decades ago, and I am so grateful for his support, friendship, and love. The truth is, I would do absolutely anything within my power for him, as I know he would for me. In his struggles, I pray for him; in his joys, I celebrate with him; in his sorrows, I mourn with him, as he always has with me. God has blessed us so richly with each other. My brother is so very dear to me that I often refer to him as my Scarecrow. Now, instead of shedding his blood, I love him so much that I would take a bullet to save him. That is truly God’s grace in my life. 

Always remember little brother, I love you very much and God loves you even more.