As Season of Loss

4/11/2026

Psalm 38:14 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

(It was a rough day yesterday and this is also a rough topic, so I am posting a day late. My apologies to the few of you who read my ramblings.) 

I first experienced a deep loss in my senior year of high school, when my father died in an automobile accident. Having him home when I left for school that morning to never return again was an unimaginable and untenable time in my life, and the life of our family. Shock, deep sorrow, and an all-consuming grief took hold and stayed for a long time. There are still tender areas in my soul that are affected all these decades later. I have never stopped missing him, but I would argue that is true for everyone that has lost someone they love. It is honestly the most difficult thing any of us will ever live through, and yet we survive what feels, at the time, unsurvivable. 

Those first few days and weeks are like walking through a dense cloud or heavy mist. Everything seems fuzzy and difficult to process; even the simplest of conversations can be utterly taxing and exhausting. Actions often become robotic as you move though the agony of planning and having people come to give their condolences. Unfortunately, at least as it was with my family, after a couple of weeks people tend to go back to their lives and you are left alone, still grieving and trying to piece together a life. My mother used to ask how the world could still be turning without my father. How would anything be normal ever again? The fact is, you have to lean into a new normal, and that takes time. 

Loss can take many forms in our lives. Sometimes it is a death, but it can also be your health, a relationship, a job, a home, a plan for your life, or even a dream. These are just some of the areas of loss that we all experience throughout our lives. Sometimes you can see it coming and try to prepare yourself, and sometimes you can't. 

My family and I are experiencing a loss right now of a different type. It's about a lack of knowledge for years and years, about something profound and immensely important that would have been transformative and changed the course of all of our lives. When you struggle greatly, without a known cause, you are always trying to discover the why. After the enlightening moment, when the answer finally comes, and you learn the underlying reason, you have to work on processing difficult and critical information. Then, you are injected into a steep learning curve while experiencing extreme burnout. The ultimate result, however, is a loss of both time and a fullness of life. With this also comes a grieving for what could have been, if only we had known. Wrapped up with the grief is regret and guilt; a burning desire to rewind the tape or turn back the hands of time. Alas, this is never an option.

So, where do we go in times when loss overwhelms us? Some reach for a substance to dull their emotions. This can take the form of alcohol, drugs, or even food. Some throw themselves into less destructive endeavors like shopping, exercising, or hobbies to distract from their current reality. Some seek out the company of others for comfort and become dependent or promiscuous. These are just a few ways people try to cope, however, and there are certainly vastly more. 

I, like many, sought answers through faith. I wanted to understand how I could have lost my dad so young and find the why of it all. What eventually happened is a journey of discovery. I started asking questions, reading scripture, and journaling. I began to develop a deeper understanding of the fall of man and the broken world that resulted in disobeying God. I also began to truly understand that we sinful creatures can be covered with the gift of Christ's grace. It has been a long and winding road, as it is with many believers, but I am so grateful that out of deep loss came a deeper faith and a deeper trust in my heavenly Father.

It is easy to become weary in times of trusted silence, when answers don't come or when it is "no", but it is these times when we need to lean into our faith and on our loving heavenly Father even more. Seasons of loss will always come, but we have a merciful Savior Who will never leave us or forsake us. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.