2 Timothy 1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power
and love and self-control.”
For the first time in a long while I am observing the Lenten
season. This comes with a commitment towards the things I have omitted from my
life and also the things I have added to it. I am finding both equally challenging
which surprises me. The first few days I found myself determined and trying to
accomplish what I believe God has set before me to do. Big mistake. I was trying
to meet these challenges under my own steam instead of lifting them all up to God.
Sure I have been praying every day and doing my devotions, but when I begin to
hit a roadblock in my forward motion I was driving and not God. Ugh, how long
will it take me to learn?
Along with all my do and do nots I need to be searching God
all day long every day. I have been experiencing a bit of a desert spiritually
or dark winter as it were. It has been like someone tried to cut the power cord
that connects me to my Savior and left a bunch of frayed open wires. I don’t know
if any of you have ever experienced this, but for me it has been extremely
difficult. It’s like the warrior part of my spirit has left the building. Sigh.
When I was recovering from my “dark night of the soul” period,
the one thing that I did all day long every day was pray. I talked to God
constantly no matter what I was doing or who I was with. I had too, for in only
Him did I find refuge and the healing, peace, and strength to overcome. I had
walked that road for years and years and, after returning to myself, I became a
powerful intercessory prayer warrior. If there was prayer needed, you could bet
I would be in my “little chapel” coming before God with praise and petition. Sadly,
that Miss Carla wannabe has been missing for a while. It is not that I have not
been hearing God’s call for my life, I have just been so very weary.
Lent, I felt God showing me, was the perfect time for a
reset. A time I could concentrate on being obedient and prayerful. A time I
could focus on His eternal love, sacrifice, and forgiveness. A time to come out
of the dark spiritual winter. So today, as I was yet again struggling with my Lenten
observances, I knew deep down in my soul that in order to make it through this
40 day period I needed to once again rely 100% on God getting me to the finish
line. I need to pray through EVERYTHING in my life just as I did when I was recovering
from my illness. I need to, as my sister Barb says, “offer it up”, all of it,
to my Lord and Savior. Only then will I once again feel the warmth of being surrendered
and fully connected to my Jesus. For it was in my own frailty that I could not
persevere and sustain my all day long every day communication. I know that all power,
love, and self-control come through His Spirit into me and, hopefully, out to
others.
If you are struggling like I am this Lenten season, start having an all day long and open conversation with Jesus. I can promise you; it will make all the difference.
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