Communication Crazy Cycle

 

1/15/2023

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefor if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. “

I fancy myself to be a good communicator, especially with people I trust. Most of the time, I am amiable with people, and I would rather staple my tongue to the wall than say anything that could cause stress or injury. Most of my communication muscles get a workout with my husband. I know I am not alone in this area. I am blessed to be able to share with him the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly. Being as I am not one given to anger or shouting, most of my communication is done in a very calm and matter-of-fact way. (I’m sure it can, and often does, seem passive-aggressive.) This way of calmly breaking down an issue or situation is not always easy for my husband to maneuver around, and sadly, he can become somewhat frustrated himself. Ironically, I’m sure like most couples, our difficulties or differences of opinion are most always the same time after time. In the book Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, this propensity to keep bringing up the same issues is referred to as being on the “crazy cycle”. (I would highly recommend that book by the way.) The phrase denotes those conversations about tender areas in a relationship that get rewound and played over and over again. The thing is, just like a movie that gets rewound and replayed, the story never changes. The behaviors continue even with pleas of forgiveness and promises of adjustment, transformation, or resolution. Unless a mindful, deep-down recognition and change takes place, the crazy cycle continues.

This evening, after having just such a conversation with my husband – and full disclosure, it was once again about me having OCD – I felt that familiar ride on the crazy cycle sweep up. We each said our peace, and then finished making dinner. While it was cooking, I did my usual processing of the communication that took place. I am a ruminator. Again, this is part of the crazy cycle for me. Suddenly the Spirit Tap came, and I was duly admonished. Whap! Bang! Boom! I am on a crazy cycle with God all the time; as a matter of fact, I may never be off it. I am forever having the same conversations about my behavior with God, and I am always asking for forgiveness and promising to change. Crazy Cycle! He is very clear and loving with what He expects of me in all my fragility or sinful areas of life. I need look no further than the Bible for this truth. It is SO VERY clear. There is also the guidance and wisdom that He sends through other people. Finally, there are the random “Spirit Taps” where I just feel the Holy Spirit giving correction or redirection through the still small voice.

Getting off the crazy cycle requires change. After all, I am supposed to be a new creature in Christ, and in yielding to Him, I am supposed to die to self. Dying to self is the hardest thing. Period. Yet, it would get me off that crazy cycle in every area of my life. If Jesus was truly first in my life, then every other relationship would pale in comparison. If I was sold out to Him completely, then I would be modeling how to get off the crazy cycle to others instead of continually going for a ride on it myself.

I am as always, a work in progress.