Isaiah 58:6 "Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?"
I have been struggling again recently. I have written about my anxiety disorder many times on Blooms, so it is not a secret to any of you. This state of disquietude is a ravenous monster that calls for constant feeding. It is like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors constantly saying, "feed me". As I have shared before, my anxiety is based on the care and comfort of those I love. If anyone is down, distressed, or going through a difficult life situation, I feel compelled to step in and try to help. The problem is that I try to fix what is unfixable, and when I cannot, I wind up holding on with a death grip. It is exhausting to always be in a state of high alert or support, and the truth of the matter is, many of the people in my life probably don't even want me there. Not that they do not appreciate my love, help, and concern, but I know none of them would want those things to harm me or be a trigger for something worse.
I speak to a lot of people about the act of release, for it is the thing that saved me from the abyss. When trying to fix a situation and holding onto it so tightly starts to devour you, it is time to release that thing to God. It was the only way back to life for me, but alas, I have begun to go down that familiar road once again; the road of overthinking everyone else's struggles to try saving them from pain. It never ever works, no matter what I say or how hard I try. This, of course, is because I am not the saver and healer of souls; that is only something God can truly do.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefor, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
So, I sit here again, fragile and worn, wanting to be the emotional fixer and step into every painful situation, but not wanting to lose myself to the hungry monster again. I know what to do, I just need to turn to my Savior and trust Him while continuing to pray like a warrior for those that I love.
John 8:36 "So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
*Verses from the ESV Bible
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