Communication Crazy Cycle

 

1/15/2023

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefor if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. “

I fancy myself to be a good communicator, especially with people I trust. Most of the time, I am amiable with people, and I would rather staple my tongue to the wall than say anything that could cause stress or injury. Most of my communication muscles get a workout with my husband. I know I am not alone in this area. I am blessed to be able to share with him the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly. Being as I am not one given to anger or shouting, most of my communication is done in a very calm and matter-of-fact way. (I’m sure it can, and often does, seem passive-aggressive.) This way of calmly breaking down an issue or situation is not always easy for my husband to maneuver around, and sadly, he can become somewhat frustrated himself. Ironically, I’m sure like most couples, our difficulties or differences of opinion are most always the same time after time. In the book Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, this propensity to keep bringing up the same issues is referred to as being on the “crazy cycle”. (I would highly recommend that book by the way.) The phrase denotes those conversations about tender areas in a relationship that get rewound and played over and over again. The thing is, just like a movie that gets rewound and replayed, the story never changes. The behaviors continue even with pleas of forgiveness and promises of adjustment, transformation, or resolution. Unless a mindful, deep-down recognition and change takes place, the crazy cycle continues.

This evening, after having just such a conversation with my husband – and full disclosure, it was once again about me having OCD – I felt that familiar ride on the crazy cycle sweep up. We each said our peace, and then finished making dinner. While it was cooking, I did my usual processing of the communication that took place. I am a ruminator. Again, this is part of the crazy cycle for me. Suddenly the Spirit Tap came, and I was duly admonished. Whap! Bang! Boom! I am on a crazy cycle with God all the time; as a matter of fact, I may never be off it. I am forever having the same conversations about my behavior with God, and I am always asking for forgiveness and promising to change. Crazy Cycle! He is very clear and loving with what He expects of me in all my fragility or sinful areas of life. I need look no further than the Bible for this truth. It is SO VERY clear. There is also the guidance and wisdom that He sends through other people. Finally, there are the random “Spirit Taps” where I just feel the Holy Spirit giving correction or redirection through the still small voice.

Getting off the crazy cycle requires change. After all, I am supposed to be a new creature in Christ, and in yielding to Him, I am supposed to die to self. Dying to self is the hardest thing. Period. Yet, it would get me off that crazy cycle in every area of my life. If Jesus was truly first in my life, then every other relationship would pale in comparison. If I was sold out to Him completely, then I would be modeling how to get off the crazy cycle to others instead of continually going for a ride on it myself.

I am as always, a work in progress. 

Extra Ordinary

 

1/13/2023

Romans 6:4 “We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Jesus was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.”

I have always felt, ever since he was a young child, that my son was destined to live an extraordinary life. He was bright and talented at a very young age. Always creative. Always thoughtful. Always kind. Always faithful. As an adult, he has certainly taken the “road less traveled” and not gone down the practical path as so many people do. He has always been an inspiration to me, both for his undying faith in God’s plan for his life, and his determination. He himself is extraordinary.

I got to thinking about how we see other people’s lives that way sometimes. The very successful people who have fame, fortune, and wild success certainly seem to live lives that are not mundane or routine. Their lives are glamourous, and they want for nothing…well, nothing that money can buy, at least. I got to thinking today about those people who live lives that most of us only dream of, and then I got that familiar Spirit tap. I, as many others do, was only looking at the worldly treasures that these folks have, and that is indeed short-sighted.

As disciples of Jesus, we have a connection to the God of the universe. We have access to Him all day long, every day without reservation, hesitation, or fear. We find guidance and purpose for our lives through His Holy Word and prayer. He even hears the unutterable cries of our hearts when words don’t come. We can bind the evil one in Jesus’ name away from our lives and loved ones. We can seek both immeasurable power and peace that passes all understanding though Him. We can love others boldly as He does, for His life while on Earth is our model. We have been redeemed and made new in Christ. How much more extraordinary can a life be?

We, unfortunately, are the ones who continue to be small in this world and hide our lights and astonishing relationships with Christ. Every one of us is called to live a life set apart because of grace through His ultimate sacrifice. No amount of fame, money, or power in this world can compare to the extraordinary life found in Christ. 

False Prophets

 1/9/2023

Mark 16:15 “And he said to them, ‘Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation.’” (ESV)

Today, on my phone’s newsfeed, there was an advertisement for a Lifetime movie about Gwen Shamblin, the creator of the Weigh Down Workshop. The only connection I have to this program is I had a friend that went through it years ago. As I remember, she was introduced to it through another believer. At that time, I was suspicious of how the program taught people to lose weight. Apparently, Mrs. Shamblin had a master’s degree in nutrition, so many people thought she was legitimate. This program was advertised as faith-based and made patrons look at their overeating and weight as a sin. I will not comment on this point tonight.

What I would like to talk about is that yet ANOTHER Christian person/program is getting a tell-all movie about their rise to fame and fall from grace. If you investigate Mrs. Shamblin and her church, as I did today, you will see that there was A LOT of material for the filmmakers to work with. Sigh. She was yet another person of faith who may have started out with good intentions but became captivated by greed and power. It is wearying to my soul to think of how many prominent leaders that claim Christ have gone down this dark and worldly road. So many, especially those in the public eye, have had scandals rock their ministries. They may begin with a focus on Jesus, but once they gain power, money, and status they become more interested in what the world has to offer them. Of course, the media will shine a big spotlight on these stories instead of the millions of people who are faithfully following Christ and reaching out in love to help others in His name.

I don’t know about you, but I believe that this is fodder for those who assert that corruption, abuse, infidelity, hatred, judgement, and hypocrisy are rampant in the church. As I sit here, knowing this is how we are portrayed to un unchurched world, my heart breaks. The evil one certainly knows what he is doing in the land that he rules.

We need, all of us that are imperfect children of God, to be louder in our love and grace. We need to be in God’s Holy Word and seek His guidance in prayer. We need to be bolder, faithful, and fearless. We must, without perverting or editorializing, speak the language of faith through sharing the Gospel message as it is written. We must stand for the truth of the Trinity and be able to identify false prophets that lead people who are truly searching astray. How, my dear ones, can we continue to stay silent? That is just what the evil one wants.  

Romans 1:16 “For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” (NIV)

When You Listen, Blessing Flow

 

1/7/2023

James 2:8 “If you really fulfill the royal law according the the scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ You are doing well” (ESV)

I was blessed to be part of something very special today. I will not go into the details, but I will say I am feeling extremely blessed. A friend of mine, who is has a strong faith and deep caring for others, asked me to join her in a special project this weekend. To say that this special woman loves her neighbors is an understatement. She truly takes care of all of us and is the glue to our neighborhood family. This is something I have never experienced before. It is new, different, and very welcome.

The project she wanted my help with required us to enter a new neighbors house before they move here for good tomorrow. They bought a house when they brought their daughter to a nearby college and just fell in love with the area. My friend and I were supposed to do our “thing” tomorrow afternoon, but we thought it may be too late to get it done before they arrive. (They are 2 days ahead of schedule!) So, we went this afternoon. This was truly God’s timing. We walked into the house, opened the freezer, and a terrible odor was wafting from it. Many people in the state had lost power right before Christmas, and the food that they had left on their last visit had spoiled. We were, thankfully, able to take care of the mess for them before they get here after a long journey across the country. Again, God orchestrated the entire thing, from my friend’s inspiration to the perfect timing. Isn’t that just like God?

I am feeling so blessed this evening and very joyful. When I reached out via text to thank my friend one more time for including me her response was this, “shared experiences=shared blessings.” So very true indeed. My prayer is that I can keep the inspiration of this day, and the clear knowledge of God’s timing throughout the year. Another goal…bless others as deeply and often as I can. There is nothing that feels better or brings more joy than that. 

Extending Grace

 1/6/2023

Ephesians 2:8 “But it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

I have always advised people to extend grace when they are having a difficult situation with another person. I have also tried to do this myself throughout my life. We are called to forgive even when it is not asked for or sought after. Jesus, after all, forgave me and all the world with his sacrifice on the tree at Calvary. Sometimes I have found this a simple act, and sometimes I have not. I guess, for me, it all depends on the degree of injury caused by another and if it was intentional or not.

There are, however, questions I have surrounding forgiveness that is not requested by the offending party. My family actually had a very interesting conversation about the topic just this evening. Should someone who is abused extend grace to their uncontrite abuser even if they are no longer in a relationship with them? Does this kind of grace only help the giver? What about the next person who enters into a relationship with said abuser? What if the forgiveness or grace does not include change? That is a tricky one, is it not?

I finally extended grace to someone that hurt me very badly many years ago. I had a very difficult time doing this because every once in a while, the wound created would be torn back open even over the smallest infraction. I knew this unforgiveness was only hurting me and not the person. They knew the damage they caused, but they never asked me to forgive them or even admitted that they did was hurtful. Truly, what they did could have changed the trajectory of my life.

What dawned on me, during a dinner conversation with my family this evening, was that this person never had to face the damage they caused, so there was no change in their behavior. It was hurtful and selfish, and that is still firmly in place all these years later. It is very clear with their behavior even now.

Unfortunately, I have had more than one relationship like this. It is true that we can forgive without contrition from the other side, but that only really helps us move forward. The person who does the damage often stays exactly the same. Sigh. They may, unless having truth spoken in love toward them, continue to inflict damage on others. If I don’t at least try to be honest, even though it is extremely difficult, do I become an accomplice in other damaging acts? I can still extend grace even if I am met with a closed heart, but shouldn’t I at least try?

Do we need to extend grace and also speak truth? Isn’t that what yielding to Jesus is? We confess, accept that we are sinners, repent, and then die to self? Isn’t that the goal?

Delayed Gratification

 1/5/2023

James 5:7-8 “Be patient, therefor brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” (NIV)

Young people today, and I am talking about people mostly under 25, really don’t remember life without having everything at their fingertips. Every bit of media can be streamed from a TV, tablet, or even a phone. Everything you could ever imagine can be purchased and shipped right to your front door. You can now get food delivered that way; no shopping required. It all is right there, all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can even renew your driver’s license online.

I remember a time when waiting was just a part of life. Actually, it was a very big part of life. We all had our favorite movies that would be shown on television once or twice a year, depending on where you lived. We couldn’t wait for Planet of the Apes, Godzilla, or Gidget to start on the ABC 4:30 movie. Christmas specials were played once, and if you happened to miss them…well, better luck next year. Everyone would listen to the radio, and when your favorite song came on, it was just the BEST! Most moms went to the grocery store and prepared dinner every night. Going out to dinner was a special occasion for many people. Pizza was an after-dinner snack and not a meal. Sunday was for church and (during the season) football. Well, one of those things still stands. A lot of kids had newspaper routes as their first job. It was a rite of passage, and you had to wait for the older kid in the neighborhood to get a real part-time job so you could have a turn. Gosh, there are so many other examples! One for my family was waiting for my dad, who was a merchant marine, to return from his sea voyages. Now that was a very long and difficult one.

I wonder if all of this “on-demand” living is making young people, and actually older people as well, less patient. Are we willing to wait for anything anymore, or does agitation easily set in? The Bible tells us that patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit. According to bible.knowing-jesus.com, patience is mentioned in the Bible 70 times. It must be an important attribute to have if so much attention drawn to it. It is certainly a requirement of faith, which is sadly lacking in our world right now. The numbers of believers are at an all-time low, as least in America. Does our culture have something to do with that? How can it be anything else? The more on-demand our lives become, the less we are willing to be still and wait. Non-religion affiliation and atheism are on the rise among young people. (Barna Group study) Is this a coincidence?

Psalm 37:7 “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently before Him; fret not yourselves over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices.”

Anyone who has prayed and sought out answers from God knows that patience is the number one thing that you have to practice. Sure, sometimes and answer comes right away; I have certainly had this happen before. Most of the time, however, you have to stay patient in faith and continue seeking God. As every believer knows, faith grows over time as well. Conversion is instantaneous, but walking a Christian walk is for the rest of your life and not always easy. There are times of great joy and of deep sorrow, but God is always in every situation of our lives. Jesus, thankfully, said these words in John 16:7, “Nevertheless I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Spirit will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you.” (ESV) We are never alone in the waiting, and if we ask, Jesus will give us patience and the “peace that passes all understanding.”

The Least of These

 

1/4/2023

Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you not only look to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (ESV)

Empathy – noun

-         ~ the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another of either the past or the present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experiences fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

                                                                                              Miriam-Webster

I never wanted to visit my mom. Now, before your mind jumps to what a horrible statement that is, let me explain. For the last 5 years of her life, after suffering a debilitating stroke, my mom resided in a long-term care facility. She was an extremely healthy 82-year-old one moment, and the next she was completely paralyzed on her left side and unable to speak. She went from taking a handful of vitamins, to taking so many different medications that I lost count. Sadly, she was – as many older people become – reliant on others for everything, especially in the beginning. I have written about this several times in Blooms.

So, why did I start this entry with such an awful and uncaring statement? Well, because it was true. I didn’t want to spend 10 hours a day in the hospital when she was in intensive care, or to make the four-hour drive to be there. (The first week I stayed with my sister and her husband, who live closer to the hospital.) I didn’t want to spend every other weekend driving 12 hours to spend one day with her, and I CERTAINLY did not want to spend that one day at a long-term care facility. Now, many people would empathize with me about these inconveniences for sure, but I had something else going on that made all this extremely difficult. I was still clawing my way out of a dark place that almost ruined my family and my life. I was suffering from, as I still do to this day, clinically diagnosed OCD and anxiety. To make matters even worse, my OCD takes that form of – you guessed it – germaphobia.

 

So, being at a hospital was excruciating for me. Visiting her at the long-term care facility was even worse. No one would have faulted me for not going; my family knew what had kept me housebound and stopped me living over a year of my life. Now, this is not a pat-my-own-back moment. This is about how God’s grace got me through that time, but also about my mom. Like I said, I didn’t want to go, but I knew I had to. I was struggling, sure, but it was NOTHING compared to what my mother was enduring. Thankfully, empathy was the emotion that rose to the top for me during that time. I mentally put myself in my mother’s shoes, and that was all it took. I think it helped that I understood what it was like to be trapped, although she was trapped in her body, and I was trapped in my mind. When I was trapped, did I want to endure my suffering alone? No, and thankfully, I had my family with me. Now it was mom’s turn.

Now, I could say that I visited her for hours and hours because I pitied her, or because I felt I owed her a debt for taking care of me and raising me. Neither was true, though. I spent time with her because I knew how important it was for her emotional, spiritual, and even physical well-being. I knew this because of empathy, and empathy is certainly a Biblical precept. Jesus commanded believers to take care for “the least of these”. He mentions widows and orphans specifically; however, we are called to care about, and for, everyone. Take a beat for a second and let that filter through. Everyone. If we cannot bring ourselves to care for those closest to us, no matter the reason, how will we ever be able to care for people we do not know?  Jesus calls us to love one another like He loves us, no exceptions.

Love requires action! We cannot just claim Christ and read scripture or the latest hot Bible study. We MUST apply His words in our lives and to the lives of others.  

John 13:34 & 35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (ESV)

I will freely admit, I was uncomfortable and had to fight my mind every time I visited my mom. Yet the battle was worth the look in her beautiful bright blue eyes when they fell upon me every time I walked into her room. I would not trade those visits for anything this world could offer. They are now my sweetest memories of time spent with her.

Even though it may be difficult, every day is a new day, and we all have another chance to follow the command of Jesus to love one another as He loves us.

Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (ESV)

But God...

 

1/3/2022

2 Peter 1:3 “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us, to his own glory and excellence.”

I had a friend, who sadly passed away several years ago, that used to say, “Everything before the ‘but’ doesn’t matter.” I remember the first time I heard him say this was when we, along with our spouses, were having lunch at Applebee’s. I remember how this statement hit me in that moment, and how much truth I heard in those words. As I considered this wisdom, I thought of all the times I had applied this in my own life. Statements like, “I don’t mind winter, but it often goes on too long,” or, “You did a good job, but it took you far too long,” or, “Sure, I like your new haircut, but I prefer long hair on you.” You get the drift. Even if the words before are positive, you take all that away after saying “but”.

Several weeks ago, I was listening to K-Love while driving home from work, and one of their Pastoral sound bites came on after a song I was lifting my voice in praise to. It applied this very wise truth in a Biblical way, and I was gob smacked. The speaker challenged listeners to say “but God” during the difficult times of life. I may have financial troubles, but God still sits on the throne. I am struggling with loneliness, but God loves me above all. I am suffering from illness, but God is the Great Physician. I am afraid, but God tells me, “Do not fear,” in His word. In this case, the “but” does not eradicate the words that come before; rather, it reminds us of the almighty power, grace, care, and love of our Savior. Any issues we are struggling with or going through DO matter, but God holds us all in the palm of His hand. The evil one is attacking, but God has won the war. I feel unloved or disenfranchised, but Jesus died for me, and I am redeemed. It can be applied over and over again to any situation. The "but" does not negate the fact of the statement beforehand, it does, however, remind us of the presence of God in every situation of our lives.

So next time you need to turn fear or any negativity around, try saying “but God…”

Twice, Four Days a Week

1/2/2023

Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Four days a week, as I travel to work, I drive through a cemetery. This particular cemetery is notable not only for its parklike setting, but also for being the second oldest garden cemetery in the United States. It is featured in a very famous Stephen King novel. It has Lincoln's vice president, Hannibal Hamlin, as well as infamous mobster Al Brady buried on its grounds. It honors soldiers that have fought for our country with several war memorials. On any given day, weather permitting, you will find many people walking the grounds of this historic memorial park. I have strolled the paved hilly paths myself several times since we moved to the area. It is always so peaceful and serene because people are reverent within the vast fenced area.

Getting back to my morning commute, during the eight trips I make past this sobering yet beautiful setting, I always think about the preciousness of life. It is, after all, the final resting place of over 30 thousand individuals. Even though most of the time during my three-mile commute I am on autopilot, I am always struck by this small part of my journey. Although I attempt to live a life of gratitude, this less-than-60 second timeframe brings me to a different meditation on attempting to not take any moment with those I love for granted. This, however, is certainly a difficult thing to do as we muddle through some of the more mundane times of life.

Recently, I am also being drawn into another focus: that of sharing the truth and power of the Gospel with others. Our time, no matter how long we have on this earth, is finite. None of us know when we will draw our last breath, for that is up to God. What we do know, as believers, is that we are called to share, with honestly and compassion, the grace and love of Jesus with a lost and hurting world. The most powerful way to begin this kind of conversation is introducing people to God’s Holy Word. Just get out of the way, initially, and encourage people around you to read about Jesus’ mission, life, and sacrifice in the four gospels. Or better yet, read it with them, for there is no more transformative writing ever put to page than that of the inspired word of God. It can and will change a life. I can boldly profess it changed mine forever and for always. To God be the Glory. 

Resolutions vs Goals

 

1/1/2023

 Romans 12: 2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

The beginning of a new year is a great time to press the reset button. Instead of lamenting about what has not been accomplished in the past, we can look forward to doing those things, and possibly more, in the coming year. Of course, this mindset can happen at any point, but as one year rolls into another, we often take stock of our lives and readjust. Some folks choose to concentrate on health, some on finances, some on their personal relationships, and so on. Some people are motivated to emphasize enrichment opportunities. They plan to travel, read more books, get out in nature, learn a new skill, or take up a hobby. This is the time of year that all these areas often come into focus.

As a result, people make what I have come to view as the dreaded “resolutions”. That word has gravitas behind it, and often when the pledge is not carried out, nothing but guilt and shame follow. Resolutions are often open-ended, and therefor usually subject to procrastination or dismissal. However, goals are usually meant to be accomplished within an established space of time. They can also have a very particular set of steps to follow, thus making them more achievable.

So, I am choosing to set a few attainable goals for myself this year. One goal is to write a post here every day like I did in 2020. I have been encouraged to do so, and I am wide open to God’s leading in this area. I am, in fact, counting on it. Writing will be where I am putting most of my attention this year. I have realized that I must be intentional and set times to do so. Having any goal that is too open-ended does not help with achievement. I also have a couple of wonderful encouragers in my world who are writers as well. Nothing can replace a kind and generous person who can inspire you and give you a boost when you most need it.

Any goal or resolution must first start with a renewing of the mind. If there is no inspiration or mindfulness around change, it will not happen. Our minds are powerful, and they can either hold us captive or let us soar. As I have shared before, I have had a very difficult and often debilitating battle of the mind that I wage every day. Trying to battle on my own does not work, and that is where turning to the truth of God’s Holy Word for guidance is essential. Through His word, prayer, trust, and release, we all can renew our minds and gain strength for the goals we set and live a more vibrant and fulfilled life that will impact not only ourselves, but others as well.

 2023 Let’s Go!!!