Spotlight

3/8/2021

Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

Last night, I had a good cry. I don’t mean a pretty teary cry, I mean a snot running out your nose deep sobbing, and it went on for quite a while. The “why” is complicated, but suffice it to say a lot of it is based around the year of Covid-19. For this girl, it has been the perfect storm that keeps me in a daily exhausting battle. I try to not let others see how weary I am, or how hard it is for my OCD mind; I even try keeping as much as I can from my “bubble” people, although I am pretty sure it shows sometimes. Last night I just hit a wall of exhaustion and max capacity/inundation. I am, however, glad we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel as more and more people get vaccinated.

The compulsion part of my OCD is handwashing. Of course, that has been a nonstop talking point this entire year, along with masking and social distancing. At my workplace there are signs hanging up everywhere about washing your hands in many different languages. It has been a constant earworm from the media, and a visual assault at work as well. (I do not blame this on the organization I work for at all; it is just the way of things at most companies right now.) So to fight being a compulsive hand washer is difficult enough, but to fight the obsessive thoughts that spur on that need to wash is an entirely different beast, one from which I am never truly free.

As I have shared before, God saved me from falling into the pit of this horrible illness almost ten years ago, and I am eternally grateful. He has also been in the battle with me every day since, especially during this Covid nightmare. I have leaned into Him harder and prayed in full faith. Trusting Jesus is my mantra, and often my minute-to-minute prayer. Sometimes, like last night, I take my eyes off of my Savior for just a moment and I being to sink, just as Peter did. When the boat that he and the other disciples were on was out from shore and being buffeted by waves, Jesus walked on the water out to them and they were afraid He was a ghost. Matthew 14: 27-33 “But Jesus said to them. ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’ ‘Lord if it is you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’ ‘Come,’ he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’”

Peter started sinking because he took his eyes off of Jesus and put them on the storm, and that is exactly what happens to me. As soon as I take my eyes off of Jesus, even for a moment, fear of the storm starts to pull me under. However, when I am focused on Jesus’ outstretched arms, and keep Him firmly in my sight, I gain strength even in the middle of the fiercest storm. Fellow believers, let us all strive to keep our eyes and our minds focused upon Jesus and put our full faith in Him, for He has overcome all that this world can throw at us. Even in the dark times of life, a heavenly spotlight shines from Him so we can see.